Fun fact: Umi no Hi (Marine/Ocean/Sea Day) is a Japanese holiday where people give thanks to the sea and everything it has provided them. It’s a lot like Labor Day in that everybody gets of work/school, but nobody really gives a crap about it otherwise.
I’ve realized that since I’m in Japan, and it’s near impossible to watch Conan (my usual methods don’t really work here), I’m almost completely detached from America news-wise. For the most part, the only place I hear about news is Facebook or sometimes in class. I’ve heard about three major stories, but only minor details. The first was that plane crash in wherever, which got a brief discussion during class. The second was about that murderer dude who I guess got off and everybody’s mad now (that’s honestly all I know). Could I find out more? Of course, but I really don’t care. The news in America tries to make us give a crap about something that really doesn’t affect us. Since I’m not constantly surrounded by it, I don’t have to pretend to care. Does it suck? Of course it does, but over-saturating the news with it won’t change anything (unless they were killed with a gun, then they can blame video games). Some kid here in Hikone was killed last week (which is super rare here). However, it’s only because I’m here that I even know about it, otherwise there’s no way that I would have heard about it because it was just in the paper (I’m assuming) and everybody on Earth wasn’t told this kid’s life story to make them feel guilty and agree to whatever is suggested to them. Anyway, enough about the crappy news. The most important story of the decade year (maybe month) is HOSTESS HAS RISEN! These past seven months have been very trying for all of us, but I feel that as a nation we were able to pull together and get through this time of crisis. I must also thank both the Girl Scouts and Little Debbie herself for bringing us aid in our time of need (I brought a box of swiss cake rolls to Japan (big surprise), but only have two left). If not for them, our nation surely would have fallen (I’m not being overly dramatic, you’re just in denial. It’s ok, though. Everything’s going to be ok, now). Now I can once again enjoy the American sushi that is Ho-Ho’s (I don’t really like Twinkies).
Every week I seem to notice more things that I have to get used to (or got used to without noticing it was different until I’m reminded of the normal way). For instance, I didn’t realize that I haven’t seen a STOP sign until I saw one hanging in some restaurant. I also realized that Japanese people don’t use sheets (the top kind, not the kind with the stretchy (yes, that’s how I distinguish sheets)). When we first moved in, we were given two sheets. I had assumed that one was stretchy and one was for a thin blanket (especially since it gets too hot). Nope. They were both stretchy, but I just ignored it and used them the way I wanted [after writing this and trying to fit the other one over the bed, I realized it goes over the blanket like in the ryokan pictures (you’ll see)]. However, at the hotels, I keep noticing that there’s only a heavy blanket, which is terrible. I’ve had to use the pajama things they give us as a pseudo-blanket a few times. I also realized that I never have to go through drive-thrus because I can’t drive, but I overheard one while at Starbucks. If you think English drive-thrus are hard to understand…
The most fun difference for me is the shirts that Japanese people wear (specifically the kind with English on it). Some shirts are normal, but I’ll often run across shirts with very strange sentences on them. I’m assuming this is how Chinese people view American’s kanji tattoos. A few weeks ago, I saw one that said “I’m relieved to hear that everything’s ok.” As if everyone who reads her shirt just got in some terrible accident. Some are weird one-word shirts like “Kicky” or “None” that make little sense. At the mall this weekend I saw one that was in super-cursive that I thought said “Keep on Touching.” Then I thought that the T was actually an L (super-cursive) and it said “Keep on Laughing.” Then I realized that both were wrong, and it was actually the much more common “Keep in Touchy.” I think. Honestly, I’m still not sure… Two weeks ago I saw a girl wearing what I deem one of the greatest shirts ever: a Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries T-shirt. James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” began to play in my head as I gazed at her beauty (the shirt, not the girl, she was too young). If you’re having trouble remembering your early 2000’s, here’s a little taste (with slight alterations):
Friday
After my second midterm, I Because there are no shinkansen (bullet train) tracks near Kanazawa, we had to take one of the special buses that I accidentally rode a few weeks ago (though I learned I didn’t actually pay extra, which is good) to Kanazawa. Once we got there, we stopped at a house where a samurai used to live. In one of the rooms there was a small mailbox-looking thing in one of the rooms. I asked Maki what it was, and she explained that it was a “cage” that they’d put a bird in so that the bird’s noises would echo. Like the friggin Flintstones. We stopped by some tourist information building, and inside was a giant dragon head that they used for festivals. Maki said that if the head “bit” a child, it was good luck. Therefore there are tons of terrible parents forcing their kids to go up to this big scary monster and get bitten by it. I also overheard a French dude try talking to the Japanese guy working there in English. It was kind of funny… I wanted tell the Frenchy that if he was gonna visit another country, he should learn the language and go take a shower. I was hoping the Japanese dude would speak only Japanese in spite of being fully capable of speaking English (and/or French). French people are such hypocrites (and smelly).
After, we took a bus slightly more north to a ryokan (Japanese-style inn). They took us to our room, which consisted of a toilet, sink, tatami room (that bamboo-looking floor stuff) and balcony. Basically imagine a stereotypical Japanese room, and that was it. Instead of baths in the rooms, you could either use the public baths (separated by gender), or sign up for the rotenburo (open air bath). You’re technically not supposed to wear bathing suits, but it’s not like they’re watching you, that’d be creepy. After we got back (and got some Häagen-Dazs), they had prepared our “beds” which consisted of two large cushions on the floor (Japanese style). It actually wasn’t too bad, though (As I’m writing this, I realized I should have taken a picture, but I’ve grown used to it, so I didn’t think of it). Luckily, through the majiks of the Internet, I can show you this and these beds. It was like a sleepover (I wanted to follow a comedians advice and when we checked in, shout “MY MOM SAID IT’S OK TO SLEEP OVER IF IT’S OK WITH YOUR MOM.” However, I doubt he would’ve understood).
Saturday
We left our bags at a the ryokan briefly and went to see some old houses that merchants used to live in. There was an audio guide available to explain each of the rooms and houses, but the speakers voice was so boring that it made me lose any interest along with the will to live (he made Ben Stein seem like Billy Mays). Some of the houses were sparsely decorated, but many remained empty (which made them too similar). There were a few figures dressed up that looked like scarecrows dressed as the Invisible Man, it was kind of creepy. The was one anime-looking girl made of wood standing near the ranch house. She was pretty cute for a wood person (don’t tell Maki).
Then we took the (half-hourish) bus back to the station, then another to the Geisha district. I think it was actually called the teahouse district (茶店 for those who habla the 日本語). I’m told that it was like a special super-rich people’s club where they would go play games with the Geisha (not dirty games, strange parlor and drinking games (maybe beer pong)). It was impossible to go there without someone taking you there or having been there before (like that island from Pirates of the Caribbean or Cotillion). Once you went, you were “in the club” and could return whenever (once a member, always a member, Squidward). It was also near a facility that was famous for making gold leaf stuff (those gold flakes that they used to cover everything with). Because of this, there were tons of gold souvenirs. The first thing we saw (and ate) was vanilla ice cream covered in gold flakes. This was very convenient since usually I have to add my own gold to all the food that I eat. Now you know where this came from (sorry, I had to). There was also super overpriced jewelry, special lotion with gold in it, and pretty much any statue or object you can think of after Midas touched it (or that hand of Midas from the third Aladdin movie (yes, there’s three Aladdin movies. No, it’s not as good, but at least Robin Williams returned as Genie rather than the dude who does Homer Simpson)). We went inside an old Geisha house to see what it was like. Luckily they had English booklets to explain everything. I took various short videos of the insides of the Geisha and samurai houses, so check those out (in the “Kanazawa” picture section, they look like normal pictures, but after clicking on them, you can watch the video).
Sunday
There were three main sightseeing places next to each other: an art museum, Kenrokuen (super famous garden (by garden I always mean giant park/garden thing, not a box with some flowers and fruit)), and the Kanazawa castle. We got our tickets for the art museum, but decided to go later since it was air conditioned. Outside were some cool metal chairs, a giant metal cage thing, and a big area with different colored walls depending on where you stood (because of the overlap and that’s how colors work). Kenrokuen (I can only imagine how you’re trying to pronounce that. Try this: Kenroku-en. Good enough.) is one of the most famous places in Japan based on the fact that I’ve heard of it multiple times. It was actually really awesome (read: beautiful, but how often have you ever heard me say that word to describe things other than people or electronics?). There were tons of old, gigantic trees, huge ponds, and a few old (maybe ancient? How old is ancient? Either way, they were a few hundred years old) sculptures. Look at the pictures, there’s only so many ways to describe trees, no matter how awesome they are. The bridge where Maki and I are standing in the picture up there ^ (wait a few seconds if it’s not there) is one of the most famous sites in Japan (I’m told because of the lantern on the right (that stone thing). It’s on almost every tour brochure. Next we went back to the museum.
As with most cool things, there were no pictures allowed (except one area) so I will recount a few of them as best as I can. The one place you could take pictures was at the “pool” area. When you look in the pool, you see a bunch of people standing at the bottom (which I can actually do, but not for too long since I run out of breath). Then you can go to a downstairs area where you can go under the pool and look up at people. There was even a ladder (though it was in the shallower end, which was stupid). I climbed it because I’m a monkey, though it wasn’t super easy since there was no footholds, so it was all upper-body strength (I knew I was “allowed” because there were black marks where other people’s feet had rubbed against the wall in their attempts). Again the Japanese people were impressed with the white monkey boy. Then we went to the first big exhibit. It was a modern art museum, which the words “modern art” always worry me a little (like those pictures of cows with hats and random black guys with saxophones in our hotel room in Chicago). The first thing was a bunch of knives on long poles moving up and down stabbing a powder brush thing (because opposites or something). The next one was cooler. There was a big slanted wall (about 45°) with a giant black oval painted on it. Because it was dark and illusion stuff, it looked like it was a massive hole that had no sides. Then we saw these Yoshi egg things. In another room they were playing two different (but same kind of) movies next to each other. Imagine the hair from the shower drain came to life and was in stop motion (like those old Christmas movies) with weird, slightly “disquieting” music. In a bigger room, some guy had made life-size anime-looking figures which were actually pretty cool. They looked like they were made from wood or a hard plaster, but we couldn’t touch them, so who knows. He also did an interesting project where he wrote letters to several people living in apartments and informed them that he would set up a camera in front of their window (first floor obviously) and if they agreed, he wanted them to wear what they normally did in their house and stand there for about an hour while he took their picture. He didn’t want to ever meet them, but if they consented (by not closing their blinds), he would later mail them his contact information and the pictures so that they could reach him if they changed their minds. Why is this considered art, but I do the same thing from the bushes and make my love letter anonymous and suddenly I’m a criminal? Oh well. In one of the last rooms, there were a bunch of cloth pigeon-looking things with wheels for heads and a big box on top. Then you push the box and it slides across all the wheels. I found this picture of it. It was titled “We know you know we know the pleasure you never know.” Did your head just explode? We know. The next big section was “visceral” something or other. Basically trying to gross/weird you out. There was some weird stuff that I can’t even describe (but it involved baby heads with weird colors that looked like aliens. There was a stop-motion animated video that basically included an eskimo woman clubbing a walrus then getting naked and wearing it to swim around. I can’t even repeat what was after that, but it was absolutely horrifying (it was a naked fat puppet woman). There was also a video that looked like a toy hospital room dripping white paint sideways while some British woman told a story about falling in love with a dude who pretended to be a doctor (imagine the lady telling the story in V for Vendetta). After the museum, we went to Kanazawa castle, which was kind of disappointing since there wasn’t anything there (at least not at the time).
Across from the hotel was a big mall where we’d usually eat. It was a cool mall, except they kept playing this one little song in between whatever announcements. I couldn’t record it, but it sounds like a slightly techno version of the song from Billy Madison when they’re doing crafts (“number one, number one…number two, number two, roosters crow cockadoodledoo”).
Monday
Today was the day I was looking forward to the most. Ninja temple! It was Marine Day (Umi no Hi), so we didn’t have class (hence the later blog date). We had to make a reservation because you have to be with the tour guide. When we first got there, I had to agree that the tour was in Japanese and Maki couldn’t translate because it might distract them. Luckily they gave me a book that had pictures and explanations for all of the cool stuff. They first explained that it is called that because it’s filled with secret passages and traps (it was meant to be the first defense for Kanazawa Castle) and wasn’t actually built for ninjas (but that’s exactly what they’d want you to think, isn’t it?). Again, no pictures, but again I’ll give a detailed explanation. Since this is pretty long already, I’ll put it in a spoiler so you can skip it (if you’re a loser).
Overall, the tour gave me many ideas for my future house. After the tour, I got my picture taken with a bunch of ninjas. I don’t see anyone. That’s because they’re ninja’s, duh. They wouldn’t be very good if you could see them. Then how do you know they were there? As a taekwondo master, one of my many abilities is to sense the presence of ninjas (once you get to grandmaster, you can see them).
After the temple, we went back to the mall and looked around. We heard loud music coming from the underground area outside the station, so we checked it out. There was a girl group performing on stage in the back (like AKB48 but a lot less of them (Google it)). The girls were ok, but the fun part was their rabid fanbase. A big group of students jumping up and down, singing and dancing to the music. Later we saw them outside the restaurant holding a “handshaking event”. It’s basically like an autograph session, but you go up to the table and can shake their hands while they pretend (very well) to care about what the nerds were saying (I’m sure they’re appreciative, but it has to be tiring). Many of the guys would finish, then get back in line. It was interesting.
Apparently yesterday there was an earthquake, but it was so small and I was bouncing back and forth in my chair (because I’m a child) so I didn’t feel it, which is disappointing.
Next week I return to Nagoya for sumo, fireworks, and the new Ghibli movie! Will I be able to buy a sumo outfit at the souvenir shop? Why are there fireworks? What’s the new movie about? Am I holding out or do I actually not know the answer? Find out next time on The Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh!