Now, before we begin, I know some of you are thinking, “That’s a kind of weird title.” Others just thought, “Well, the titles are usually kind of weird.” The rest of you have watched anime. Now, while most American tv shows (cartoon and otherwise) tend to use puns or single words for episode titles, Japanese shows work a little differently. While some stick with the single word theme, anime will commonly use a two-sentence grabber that usually includes the subject of the episode and a little phrase describing it (that may or may not translate well). Some examples include ‘Pokémon Match! Serious Battle!’, character intros like ‘Enter the Great Swordsman! Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro!’, and A vs. B or first person titles like ‘Byakugan vs. Shadow Clone! I’ll definitely win!!’ So, in sticking with the Japanesey theme, many titles shall be named with this in mind. There’s your culture lesson for today, so let’s get to the English teaching.
Monday was the usual nothing because the students didn’t start till the next day (September 1st). However, Tuesday was the first day, so I didn’t teach yet. Instead I went to the auditorium in the morning and introduced myself. They were all excited to have a new teacher, and got even more excited when I mentioned things like “I like Smash Bros.” or taekwondo (then added a sidekick so they understood). Wednesday, all the jr. high kids were taking some kind of test, so I didn’t teach them yet either.
Thursday was my first day of actually teaching. It was a good starter school, as the class sizes ranged from only 9 to 20. The first class I taught was nine 4th graders. 4th grade is a good age for kids. They’re not usually completely out of control like the younger students can be, and they haven’t started developing that attitude that middle schoolers have. I gave my presentation (which involved a multiple choice quiz about me (how old, what country, etc.)) in mostly Japanese, because they only know simple words and phrases. We’ve been told to avoid this while teaching so they don’t rely on Japanese, but I’d rather have the kids understand me now and look forward to having me around, then later I can just conveniently forget Japanese. Also, I see the 1st-4th grade kids as rarely as once a month in some schools, so I’m not expecting their English to be much beyond “My name is Yoshi, I like apples. G’dun bom! (I don’t think kids are named Yoshi anymore, but it’s an actual name).” I would also use a lot of hand motions and act things out, which they always enjoyed. At the end, I asked if there were any questions. The first questions were always “what food do you like?” and “what’s your favorite color?” In 4th and 3rd grade, I was also asked what food I don’t like, what anime do I like, where have I been in Japan, etc. Any time I answered the anime question, I’d start by mentioning my favorite Fullmetal Alchemist and Guren Lagan. The teachers would always recognize FMA, but the kids just stared until I mentioned Dragon Ball, One Piece, etc. Ironically, when I was asked what kind of food I hated, I couldn’t think of a good answer. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s so many, or if I don’t hate one vastly more than the others (until it’s in front of me). Usually I just say fish. One girl actually asked the origin of my last name, and who gave me my first name. Since there’s no interesting answer to the latter, I explained middle names to them instead. The strangest question was asked by one of the 4th graders. In fact, it was such a strange question that even though I heard it perfectly, I was sure I misheard it. He asked, “Have you ever seen Top Gun?” The teacher explained that Tom Cruise is very popular now, but even so, Top Gun? That’s your question? Even if the subject was specifically Tom Cruise movies, Top Gun is one of the last ones I’d expect an 11 year old Japanese kid to ask about.
After the 4th graders, I moved down to the 3rd. It was almost identical to 4th with 9 kids, all enthusiastic. I repeated my presentation, and had mostly the same reactions from the kids. My third class was the 6th graders. I knew going into it that the (twenty) 6th graders would not be quite as entertained by the same antics as the 3rd graders, but either way I had to test them and find out what they liked. I was able to use more English with them, but switched back to Japanese whenever they gave me the blank stares (they’re not officially learning yet, so I figured it was fine). I was actually pleasantly surprised at how well the presentation went. However, once it came time for questions, that classic 6th grade shyness kicked in and it was hard to get much out of them after “what food do you like?” The teacher helped me get a few more questions out of them before it was time to go. After that class was lunch. My predecessor always ate lunch with the kids, so I expected that’s what I’d do. However it seems that since I have to bring my own lunch (school lunch is an all or nothing thing, and because of my fish allergy…), I have to eat with the other staff who just kind of ignore me. I wouldn’t mind it as much if my phone signal wasn’t so touchy up here. Some of the 6th graders brought down my laptop for me and asked to see my bento (lunch). I told them that I didn’t actually make anything today, and just got most of it from the konbini (convenience store (which has edible food in Japan)), so they lost interest. After lunch, they have a short time for recess, then cleaning. Yes, cleaning. Japanese schools don’t have janitors because the teachers clean everything every day. It teaches self-respect and all that. After lunch, I finished with sixteen 5th graders (they were delicious). I don’t know if it was because they just ate or if it’s their age, but they were giving me nothing. Two times they giggled a little, but that was it. Usually I get a reaction to either taekwondo or winter stuff and I can elaborate on those and kill more time, but they gave me nothing. At the end, I asked for questions as usual, and after the food question, got nothing. The teacher helped me out a little by asking questions himself, and occasionally the students would think of another, but otherwise nothing. It was a little rough. They did think the face swap of me and my predecessor was hilarious, though. Also, after class, a few of the boys came up and asked who my main character in Smash Bros. was (this became a pretty common question, which I love). They’d be my favorites if I knew their names. Then I went back to the office and did nothing (i.e. wrote this). The next day, my predecessor messaged me saying one of the 6th grade students messaged her and told her she had a lot of fun in my class. That’s a good sign that I’m doing something right at least.
Throughout my quiz, there were some interesting wrong answers that popped up a few times. About as many kids thought I was 29 as 24 (as opposed to 20 and 100, so I kind of expected it). The most interesting one was when I gave them a list of four animals, and had them tell me which one didn’t live in Michigan. Out of squirrels, monkeys, deer, and wolves, they usually chose deer. They were always surprised that Michigan doesn’t have monkeys like they do here (the ones that block the school). They were also amazed at how big American deer are (Japanese deer are all the size of the ones in my Nara pictures). Others included how hot and cold Michigan gets (hell, Michigan people were surprised when parts reached -40°C/F (fun fact: at -40°, both are the same)). Apparently, they don’t really learn about Detroit, or that it makes cars until middle school or after, so that question was usually hard (though the other options are boats, cereal, and pizza, so sometimes they can make a good guess). Luckily this also means they don’t know Detroit is even more famous for guns! I’ll also mention that I have green eyes, which are also super cool (not just to Japanese people, to everyone. I have special eyes). In one class, I even explained how they change color (this is apparently common for green-eyed people). However, I never know since I can’t usually see my eyes (the mirror is for hair, I forget about the rest of my face sometimes). The main goal is to seem as awesome as possible to the kids so they want to learn from you.
Classes are broken down into 1st through 6th hour, with the aforementioned lunch, etc. break a little after noon. Between each hour is a 10 minute break for recess, and by recess I mean “do whatever the **** you want for 10 minutes.” Some kids play outside, some stay in their classes, some go to other classes. I even saw two kids wrestling (if you can call a chubby kid sitting on top of another wrestling).
Friday I went to the slightly bigger Geino elementary school where I taught two classes each of 4th and 5th graders, then the 6th grade class. Just like Toyogaoka, all the 6th graders are in one class, but this time there was 40 of them. The classes worked mostly the same as the previous schools. So far, all the teachers have been willing to work with me to explain and help with things regardless of their English level, which is a good sign. One of the 6th grade girls finally asked the question I expected to be more common: do you have a girlfriend. You can tell this question is coming from the amount of giggling and whispers that precedes it. It’s more of a personal question in Japan than it is in America, so the student who asked it just said it quickly as if it were simply Tourette’s, then quickly sat down. I usually just answered “not yet,” then wink at the teacher if she’s cute (maybe that last part just happens in my head…). One kid asked if I like baseball. I said I’d sometimes go to games and played when I was young. Then another kid asked if I like basketball, and while my first thought was “does it look like I play basketball?” I didn’t want to alienate him, so I just said I’ve been to a few games, but I don’t play (obviously). In most of the classes, there’re one or two special kids who have a helper teacher with them and mostly just quietly sit there and do nothing. However, in one of them, there was a super shy kid who towards the end finally raised his hand and quietly mentioned how much he liked Zelda, too. So after class he came over and I showed him my desktop background and I talked a little about my favorite games (MM&WW) (I couldn’t quite understand what he asked, but I could usually guess).
Since it’ll be a while until I teach most of the younger grades, I haven’t been introduced to them yet, so they often have the funniest reactions to me. In the hall, I saw a kid looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look at him, he got surprised and ran off. Some kids will yell “hallo” as they walk by me. Even while teaching, I saw a class of 1st or 2nd graders walk by, all staring at me like they saw a ghost (which makes sense due to my complexion). Remember, most of my predecessors have been Asian girls, so a white guy at school is a strange new thing.
Saturday we go to Osaka for a day of shopping. Is it really possible for me to shop for that long? What treasures await me? What do I usually get from the konbini? Have I seen Top Gun? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.
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