Friday morning I once again headed to school with my suitcase in tow. When I walked into the teachers’ room, the vice principal asks [Where are you going now?] I smiled and said, “Disneyland,” and she just started laughing since I was just going to Korea the last time I saw her. After work, I took a shinkansen to Shin-Yokohama (near Tokyo) where I met Shiori (previous exchange student), Yuya (her cousin I tutored in America), and one of each of their parents. We went to the Ramen Museum for dinner, which is as awesome as it sounds. While there was a museum, the main attraction was downstairs where there was a live band playing outside 6-7 different ramen shops. Each shop told you which kind of ramen they specialized in (tonkotsu, soy sauce, etc.), how thick the broth was, and how thin the noodles were (or hardness, I don’t remember). After a few bowls ($1 for kaedama – noodle refills), we headed to the hotel to get some sleep before our “early” morning (breakfast at 7, leave by 8). Now, since this is a longer entry, and to get the Disney quotes out of my system, I’ve broken this one up into smaller parts. So let’s start this Chronicle the only way I know how.
Day 1: Tokyo Disneyland
NAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA! From the day we arrived at Disney, and blinking stepped into the sun, there was more to see than could ever be seen. More to do than could ever be done. Which is mostly because the lines there are ridiculous, even by Disney standards. The main reason likely being that while Disney World is separated into four different parks, Tokyo Disney only has two. We entered the park (without being fingerprinted, even) where crowds had formed around the few characters who were there (Chip, Dale, and the Fairy Godmother I think). Rather than just using any lady from Wisconsin, they had someone wearing a plastic face that was slightly unsettling. Unfortunately it was too crowded, so I couldn’t get a good picture. Everything was decorated for Easter, with eggs and bunnies all around. A lot of the characters even had special Easter costumes that they were wearing. Throughout the park, they also had Easter egg versions of a bunch of characters (like Stitch, Baymax, and R2D2), some not dissimilar to Tsum Tsum (Japanese chibi versions of characters used in a mobile game). Of course, that meant there was plenty of Easter-themed merchandise available.
Can You Sing with All the Voices of the Mountains
Our main goal was mountain climbing (Splash, Big Thunder, Space), so we started at Splash Mountain while Shiori’s mom got us fastpasses for Big Thunder (as my wonderful mother used to do for us). As we got there, the lady at the end of the line was shouting, [Three hours!] …What? What do you mean three hours? It’s still cold out, why are this many people going on a water ride anyway? We checked out another ride, but it was about the same, so we just got in line for Splash. Luckily, everyone was pretty chill about people “cutting” in line, so people could go to the bathroom or get food at any time without getting dirty looks when they came back. As we waited in line, banjo music played over all the speakers (just like in Kentucky), and I worried if they had enough banjo music to last three hours without driving people crazy. They went through the types of songs you’d expect: Old McDonald, When the Saints Go Marching in, and Zipadee-doo-dah (I think I even heard the Breaking Bad theme at one point). As we walked through the line, it would fade out for a bit before coming back (presumably to prevent homicides). Because I had no one to tell me “go to the bathroom even if you don’t have to go,” after a while, I really had to pee. Splash Mountain is the worst place in the entire park when you have to pee. You just stand there, being subjected to the constant sound of running water. Just over two hours later (thank Zeus not all three), we got on the ride. In spite of what I was lead to believe by the English signs, the ride was not in English. So you can imagine my surprise when Brer Rabbit started yelling things in Japanese. It’s not I needed to understand the complex backstory of Splash Mountain (which everyone knows anyway), but it was kind of funny to hear. Anyone who’s ridden a roller coaster with me also knows that I like to mess with the picture if I know where the camera is. I asked Yuya what I should do, and he decided we should sleep. So I slept like Aurora, he tried to sleep, Shiori freaked out, and only Yuya’s dad looked like he was having fun. We had some time to kill before we could use our Big Thunder Mountain fastpass, so we got some pizza for lunch. There were three pizza options: seafood, Hawaiian, or the special Easter pizza (sausage, vegetables and eggs. Yes, eggs). Not a wide range of options for me. Once we had finished, we went to use our BTM fastpass. Fastpasses make everything better. You get to run past those poor unfortunate souls who are stuck in line, knowing how much they hate you since you felt the same hatred earlier. Overall, it somewhat evens out, though. You can look at it as waiting two hours for one and fifteen minutes for another, or about an hour for each.
We Are Siamese If You Please
(Fun fact: They are still Siamese if you don’t please.) Everyone at TD can be divided into one of three groups: families, couples, and classmates. The latter two are easily distinguishable due to their matching outfits. Disney is apparently the one exception to the rule that it’s weird for couples to wear matching outfits (by which I don’t mean outfits that go well together, I mean the exact same clothes). The most common outfits I saw were matching Disney sweatshirts, matching hats (we’ll get to those in a minute), and jeans. Some get more creative and do borderline cosplay. It’s also very common for JHS/HS students to go to Disney together in groups. Most of the groups were all girls, and you could tell they spent time coordinating everything. Some were boring and just wore their school uniforms (and were therefore freezing in their skirts), but the rest went all out. Matching shirts, skirts, socks, bows/hats, hairstyles, and most bedazzled a little line on their cheeks (don’t know why, but everyone did it). The shirts would either be all the same color, or each a different color, Power Ranger-style. Alternatively, they’d wear overalls and matching sweaters, Super Mario style. I saw two girls in a reverse Winnie the Pooh: pants but no shirt yellow sweaters and long red skirts. The most common type of hat sold If nothing else, it makes everyone easier to find. Luckily we didn’t have that problem as Yuya and his dad wore bright red coats, and I wore white on my skin. Otherwise finding Japanese people in a crowd here is like playing Where’s Waldo, but he isn’t wearing his striped hat and sweater.
I Wanna Know About These Strangers Like Me
I was surprised at how similar everything was to Disney World. They even kept the English signs, and just added Japanese underneath. However, there were a few differences that I noticed pretty quickly. First of all, they still used the old Fastpass system where you go to the ride and are told to come back in a few hours. Secondly, as I mentioned, it was cold. I understood why our Disneys are in Florida and California. I figured going to Tokyo Disney would be almost identical to doing the one in California, if not better. What have they got, a lot of sand? We have a hot crustacean band. But the difference is in the weather. At worst, I’ll wear a light jacket in the morning, then have to carry it around during the day, even in January. Here however, we were in full coats. I wasn’t sure exactly how cold it was until I witnessed something I’ve never seen at Disney before in my entire life: snow. Not a lot. Not even enough for me to legally say it’s snowing, being from Michigan. However, the few drops that came down were unquestionably snow. Later on, the sun came out and it got a big warmer, but the coats mostly stayed on. I didn’t care, I was at Disney and the cold never bothered me anyway. The last main difference was the complete lack of foreigners. In Disney World, I’ll hear a different language every five minutes (not just at It’s a Small World), most of which I won’t even recognize. Here, however, everyone is Japanese. The workers rarely used English, even when speaking to me (usually at gaijin-heavy places, they’ll switch). That meant I had to use Japanese as well (contrary to popular belief, Japanese people aren’t whales, so speaking really loud, slow English doesn’t help). After a few hours, I started to notice there were no white people around. None. To the point where I started to wonder if I was the only one in the World Land. It then became my mission to find people with skin white as snow (without a magic mirror, even). By lunchtime, I finally found my first whitey as Phil Collins came on in the background (of my mind). By the end of the day I counted about 30 white people (excluding princesses) out of the thousands there.
Make Way, Here He Comes. Ring Bells, Bang the Drums
A little after lunch, the first parade started. I feel like in Disney World, the parades are a kind of thing that’s just there. They start when they start, and you can watch them if you feel like it, or just ignore them. Here it’s a huge event. People lay blankets down and sit there for up to an hour ahead of time (there’s an announcement of when you can reserve a seat), and once it starts, everything else kind of gets put on pause. We found a perfect spot right next to the road in front of the castle. Most people had brought blankets or small tarps to sit on. I sat on the ground because I don’t care if my butt gets dirty. I saw some people make sure to sit on something, then leaned on their hands, which were touching the ground. What’s the point? The first parade was pretty standard: Mickey et al, Snow White and various other princesses who likely got their jobs simply by being cute white girls (I’ve heard many don’t even really speak Japanese), Marie from Aristocats (Japanese people friggin love her), Nemo, Toy Story, Alice, Mary Poppins, Genie and Prince Ali Ababwa himself. Throughout the parade, the special parade song was played on all the speakers, but most of the floats played their own songs that actually synced really well with it. The final float featured everyone’s favorite character: Docomo (Japanese AT&T). I can only imagine how much they payed for that.
Star Wars, Nothing but Starrr Wars
After the parade, we went to Star Tours (the Star Wars flight simulator), which has been newly revamped for the new movie. On the way there, we walked by It’s a Small World, which I’ve promised to avoid after last time. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We also passed the Stitch Encounter ride, formerly the scariest ride to ever be created (not just according to child me) before they turned the alien into Stitch and ruined it. By now, the lines were less crazy, but just in case, we grabbed a snack. There are popcorn stands scattered throughout both parks, each with a different kind of popcorn (chocolate, white chocolate, cappuccino, and curry (yes, curry)). We got the chocolate one, which was delicious and may inspire me to just start injecting my popcorn bags with chocolate. The line was almost identical to the one in the US, scattered with droids and aliens from the movies. However, when we got to where R2-D2 and C3PO were, I was again surprised that they were speaking Japanese (Yes, R2-D2’s beeps were totally Japanese). A lot of times, the characters sound very similar to their English counterparts (like Genie sounds like Robin Williams speaking Japanese). HoweverC3PO sounded completely different. That also means that there was no “May the Force be with you” at the end. In America, when he said that line, some nearby Catholics responded “and also with you” purely out of habit. The updated ride flew us through the crashed Imperial Starship on Jakku from Episode VII, past some Naboo Starfighters, and then ran over Jar-Jar in Otoh Gunga (ok, even I had to look up that last one). They even had Japanese-speaking Finn, which sounded more badass in an anime way.
Sunny Bunnyland
The next parade started while we were in line for the Haunted Mansion. This one was the special Easter parade, and therefore took us all to “Sunny Bunnyland.” I felt like I had heard it before, but I don’t remember being at Disney on Easter, so it must have been Imagineered to drill deep into your brain where it would pretend to have always been there, and stay forever (like someone scamming an Alzheimer’s patient). By now I was starting to become more conscious of my phone battery. I had a charger that could recharge it most of the way, but only once. It was a dangerous game of curbing my boredom while still leaving enough charge for pictures and to keep me occupied later. I know most of you are wondering where my 3DS was. As I was leaving, I picked it up, then left it, deciding that I’d have my phone and everyone else to entertain me. I was a FOOL. The kids around me were all playing theirs just to taunt me. Haunted Mansion was Haunted Mansion. Admittedly, I kind of wanted a Japanese Eddie Murphy to show up the whole time, but that never happened. I learned some interesting facts about HM, like how all the gravestones have actual names, the ceiling raises at one park and the floor lowers at another in the main room, and the statue head molds are made inside out so that the shadows give the appearance that they’re always watching you, Wazowski.
The Peace That Evening Brings
As night approached, it got colder again and things started to wind down. We got a bench spot and a blanket set up for the final parade: The Electrical Parade. Even though it was cold, the sky was at least clear, but since we were so close to Tokyo (and at Disney), you could only see 3-4 fireflies stuck up in that big bluish-black thing. We still had fastpasses for Space Mountain (the best one), but needed two people to watch the bench and the blanket, and Shiori’s mom was off shopping. Finally she came back and we rushed to Space Mountain (we were basically right next to it). Even with our fast passes, it felt like it wasn’t fast enough. We kept checking the clock, wondering if we could get back in time, or if we’d be blocked off by the parade. Honestly, I was more interested in going on Space Mountain than another parade at the time, but still. Once we got off, we sprinted to get back in time. After walking and standing in line all day, running wasn’t fun (boy was I a fool in school for cutting gym). We got there just in time for it to start, which was good, because this was definitely the best parade. They said they used over a million lights for it, which isn’t surprising. Most of the characters from previous parades returned, including the princes and princesses, who I reconfirmed were mostly white people. Even Aladdin was basically white, he just had a big nose. Cheshire cat, Link Peter Pan, Mike and Kitty, and ever Pete’s stupid dragon joined. You know who wasn’t invited? Simba, Rafiki, and everyone else from The Lion King. I have no idea why, but there was not a single acknowledgement of the existence of Disney’s best movie (I’ll accept Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin as arguments, but they’ll still lose (Story based on one of Shakespeare’s best, soundtrack by Elton F’ing John, and one of the best voice casts of any movie. Come on)). At least I still had my Genie. After the parade was done, we still had two fastpasses left over for Space Mountain (the parents didn’t go). We were a few minutes past the deadline, but luckily Disney people are nice, so we got one last ride in before going back to the hotel.
Next time on the Gaijin Chronicles: Part 2 of my weekend at the most magical place on Earth in Japan. Tune in tomorrow to read about my trip to Disney Sea! What is Disney Sea? Is it really better down where it’s wetter? Without my voice, how can I…? Find out tomorrow on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.
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Post Credits Scene
What better way to celebrate an Easter Disney trip than with some Easter eggs (also Disney owns Marvel now, who are great at Easter eggs)? Let’s take a tally to see how many references I managed to fit into this chronicle (even if one or two might have felt forced).