Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these weeks you’d like to meet to go over everything. They say time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing (or blog work, or most things other than video games and weekend trips, sorry). Hello, is it me you’re looking for? can you hear me? I’m in Japan dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free. You’re surprised that I referenced something less than 10 years old, aren’t you (Though I keep trying to switch to the better Lionel Richie song. Adele’s songs sound too much like things a stalker ex-girlfriend would say. Seriously, think about it.)? Anyway, I’m not just bandwagonning that song to appeal to youngsters (as is evidenced by the fact that I said youngsters). It’s actually somewhat relevant. We’ll get to that in a minute.
Today I’m going to take this time to talk about how much I love my job, and explain why it’s way better than yours.
Old at being young, young at being old
As a recent child and current manchild recently out of school, my memories of school are still mostly fresh. So I still remember the desire to do all the things the teachers could do but the students couldn’t. Teachers’ room? That’s where I am most of the day (whenever I’d get a glimpse of the teachers’ room as a kid, you could tell it wasn’t that special, but there was food in there and it was forbidden, which makes everything more interesting (especially heroin)). Teachers’ private bathroom? That’s all mine (thank Amaterasu that they have western toilets). Big metal-blade paper cutter that the teachers always tried to convince us would lob off our hand if we even touched it? I can use it whenever I want, and I’ve only lost part of my pinky!
Some of you are thinking, “I’m a teacher, too. I get to do all that, and it’s not that interesting.” Well, here’s why my job is better than a normal teacher’s. Because I go to a new school every day, the students see me at most once a week. This means that my being there is a rare occurrence. Added on top of that is the fact that half what I do with them involves games, and it becomes one of their favorite classes, regardless of their feelings for English. The other day I accidentally went to a wrong class at first (there’s usually 2-3 classes per grade, sometimes I don’t pay enough attention to which one I have that hour). They got super excited because they didn’t think they had English today. Unfortunately I had to break their hearts and leave them until next week while I went to my correct class. I’ve been here three months, and I still get students excitedly shouting, “Kaatis-sensei!” down the hall to me, or nudging their friends to point me out when they first see me. Who does that at your job? When you walk in to work, how often does someone shout your name (excitedly, not angrily because you screwed up (again))? Never, that’s when. More people recovering from depression should do this, it’s a good feeling. I know the students like their normal teacher, but they see them every day, and sometimes that teacher has to teach mandatory boring stuff. Not me, I get to teach basically whatever I want (for 5th/6th graders, I have to loosely follow the crappy book, but other than that, I’m good).
Some people don’t like teaching, as I’m often told on Facebook and elsewhere while people complain. Often it’s because they don’t really like kids, which is fair. As I previously stated, I am basically still a child, arguably more so now than when I was a child. Because of this, I get along really well with most children. When I first started here and gave some introductions, word spread quickly that I played Super Smash Bros. Kids I hadn’t met yet would come up and ask about which character I used and what stage I like. When they learned “I like __,” and made nametags with pictures of things they liked, most students had something that I liked doing, too (except the jocks, I’m not cool enough for sports). Smash, Splatoon, Mario Maker? Yup. Pokémon? That’s been my jam since before they were BORN (by like 8 years (I’m getting old, aren’t I?))! Minecraft (Not Minesweeper)? I played it before they could use a computer. Dragon Ball, One Piece? I’d watch it on tv if it wasn’t on so early (and if I understood more Japanese (I can usually get 80-90% of what they say, but still)). Cats? NO! I HATE CATS! My point is, we have more in common than most with that much of an age difference.
Also, teaching English to people who speak another language is way more interesting. Not only do you get to learn more about that language in the process, but the kids are usually way more interested in learning it than their native language. I use some Japanese to explain things and make them easier, otherwise if I talk English the whole time, they just stare at me and don’t really care. Some people use only English in the class to make it more immersive. That’s fine, and good at older levels. In my opinion, however, I prefer making more of a connection with them instead of talking at them so they look forward to learning it. Often times the teacher helps translate things, or explain in more detail than I’m able, which is part of the point of team teaching (which is usually a joke). Not only that, but shouting commands in another language is just like being a wizard. If I yell, “kiite!” (Remember: ‘e’ always makes a sound like Pokémon) the class will magically become quiet. If I say “han!” the desks will become groups of 4-5, and “tsukue modoshte!” will make them return to their rows. It’s also somewhat convenient that although I speak it pretty well, I don’t understand it too well. This means I can explain everything, but they have to respond in English.
A lot of people are also put off by the repetitiveness of teaching the same thing over and over. I’ve played video games my whole life, this is nothing. You’re telling me that I have to take this information, complete a task with it, then go to another dungeon school and apply the same knowledge? That’s just completing different levels in the first world. Now I have to add slightly more complex variations in order to teach the same stuff to the older kids? That’s level design 101, baby. Make them repeat the same sentence/structure until they understand it and can use it more fluently? That’s just grinding to level up. Admittedly these are all much more boring variations of these concepts, but they still apply. Life may not be a game, but games are taken from life, then made way more interesting (like books, but better).
Another reason my job is better? Recess. Does your job have recess? Didn’t think so. “Well at my company, we’re given time to–” DO YOU PLAY DODGEBALL DURING THAT TIME? No! Tag? No! You don’t get recess. I’m actually not the only teacher who plays with the kids, either. I just do it more often. I credit recess with at least half of my weight loss (the other half being no Jet’s or Buddy’s). There’s no better exercise than being chased by 20 kids. At that point, no matter how much bigger or faster than them you are, they will catch you. Also my cardio still sucks, so they can run way longer than me. Lately for some reason the first recess has been dedicated to every student just doing laps around a track. I keep forgetting this, and head out, then have to run. I wouldn’t normally care except for I’ve had a cough for almost two weeks, and any physical exertion (like having to walk all the way to my bathroom) will set it off. At first I thought that running with the younger kids would be the best option because my stride is longer than theirs, so it’s easier to keep up. What I forgot is they have way too much energy. Then I realized the older kids also don’t want to do this, so they run at a normal pace. The older kids are also the best ones to play dodgeball with because I can actually throw the ball. Sometimes I play with the second graders, so I have to do some kind of two handed toss so I don’t take off their heads with my phenomenal cosmic power (heads don’t count, anyway). Usually two of the teachers play, too, but they’re girls around my age, and because I’m sexist a gentleman, I don’t throw that hard. Occasionally I’ll get invited (read: my arm grabbed and pulled somewhere while strange words are shouted at me) to play other games. I’ve gotten a lot of good ideas for English games from these. One was tag/dodgeball where whoever was it would call out a color and the kids were only safe if they were touching that color. At one point they called red, and I was in trouble until a kid I knew ran past wearing a red sweatshirt, so I just grabbed him and yelled, “safe!” He was confused (largely because he barely speaks Japanese).
Another reason this job is better than yours, and even normal teaching is obvious: I’m in Japan! A lot of people do this program just because the want to go to Japan. For some like me, it’s a bonus having a good job. For others… they just shouldn’t have come. Too often I hear people complain about their job here, and I just wonder, “Why did you apply then?” Sometimes I have to deal with miserable people who do nothing but complain all the time about how bad everything is (it isn’t) and should probably be “sent to a farm somewhere” for the sake of their students and basically everyone around them (not that I have any specific people in mind…). Anyway, on the way to school, my bus goes through old Japanese neighborhoods and rice fields, with beautiful mountains and forests in the background. I wish I was more awake to enjoy it, but I have to wake up at 6, so bus time in nap time (after school is nap or 3DS time usually). On the weekends, I can just take a train to Kyoto, Nagoya, or Osaka and hang out there for the day. In Michigan, my equivalent was Detroit. Not quite as fun. Or safe. Or clean. Had I still been in St. Joe, I could have gone to Chicago, but Amtrak sucks and driving in Chicago sucks more. Instead I’m in the land of sumos, ninjas, and Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. I’m not saying it’s perfect here (no bacon or good pizza, etc.), but it’s way more interesting than whatever boring city you’ve lived in the past who knows how long.
Next time on TGC, I cover my birthday week (or something older, who knows!?). Why have I been so busy? Did I have a good birthday? What did I do? How long will you have to wait this time? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.