Wednesday was my one week anniversary here in Tsu. I’ve been told over and over by previous JETs how the first week or so is a rush and they can barely remember it. I now understand why. Other than the fact that I still haven’t unpacked a lot of my clothes, it seems like I’ve already been here a long time. I’m always surprised at how quickly I adjust when I travel or something big changes. A part of my brain just says “this is how it is now,” and acts accordingly (this also allows my brain to set up rather elaborate backstories in my dreams that I willingly accept until my subconscious starts to remember the real world and ruin everything). Going from a kid who in kindergarten answered the question “if a genie granted you one wish, what would it be?” with “for all the furniture in our house to go back how it used to be,” I’ve made some good progress (I stand by that statement, however). I also fully agree with the words of the great Adrian Monk: “You know what they say, don’t change anything ever” Who says that? “I do, all the time.” I look at it like a video game. My save file in America is still there and basically the same, I just started playing a new game. There’s plenty of references here to the old game, and one day there may be backwards compatibility so I can transfer data between the games, but for now, this is what I’m playing (Have I lost everyone over 30? Good. I can only imagine the sense of achievement people feel when they understand everything I talk about (and the sense of fear that they may have to be institutionalized). Ok, let’s get to the more interesting stuff.
Orientation Day 1
Monday and Tuesday were Mie orientation, which was actually slightly less useless than Tokyo orientation (though ran a little longer than necessary). We learned more about what to expect when teaching, what it’s like to live in Mie, and what to do in case of an earthquake/typhoon/tsunami/Godzilla attack. The first day was largely uneventful. We received more stacks of paper that are currently scattered around desks and floors in my apartment covering a wide variety of general topics such as I honestly don’t remember. The useful info was learned when talking to people in between lectures. For example, at my middle school, as a guy, I will be subject to “kancho” (or for Naruto fans, the Thousand Years of Death technique). For those who couldn’t watch the 20sec. video because they’re at work or jury duty or whatever, it’s where you fold your hands like your praying, straighten out your index and middle fingers (like a ninja), then thrust them into the unsuspecting victim’s *ahem* posterior cavity (I’m not sure if that was better or worse than butthole). They’ll also innocently call you over to ask a question, then reach up, grab your junk and yell “Chiiiiinnnnn.” Basically I’m gonna need metal underwear by second semester.
That night we had a welcome party at a park outside the station. A lot of the JETs from around Mie came to drink and talk and play games the coordinators set up. The main game was we were given a list of 6 words/phrases and had to try and casually make others say in conversation (without it seeming forced). Unfortunately the directions did not include screaming really loud Peewee’s Playhouse-style once it was said. That would have made the conversations even better. My words included such normal topics as The Little Mermaid, Baby Got Back, summer, smartphone, tourism, and something else. Ironically, we had been talking about the Little Mermaid like 5 minutes before the game, so my friend signed it anyway. Everyone was very suspicious of each other, so I just gave up trying to do it, although I heard some actually pull it off naturally.
We finished playing a few other games, after which one of our leaders declared that everyone who wanted to go to karaoke should gather around. One girl stated that it was late and we had to get up the next day for orientation again, so it wasn’t a good idea. He laughed, a few of us laughed. It was funny. Orientation wasn’t until almost 10, almost 12 hours away, and it’s not like we needed to be particularly alert anyway. We got a giant karaoke room because there were like 20 of us. Since there were so many of us, all the songs were picked within the first few minutes. I put in Take On Me, one of my favorite karaoke songs, but we ran out of time just before it came on (I sang it outside anyway). We still got through a lot of really good songs, though (mostly 80’s/90’s songs from Journey, Queen, Destiny’s Child, etc.). After the first hour (you pay per hour), most people were getting too drunk/tired to keep going, so we left. Then our leader declared “sanjikai,” an after-after party. Only about 8 of us remained. We headed to the station across the street which had “displayed” outside a dude passed out on the bench with puke under him, and a guy bent over next to him. That’s some good advertising. One of the guys coming out of the bar shook our hands and said, “Welcome to Japan.” A lot of people are super nice to foreigners around here. Can you imagine being in a country where people are treated better just because they’re white? Crazy, huh? (This is not the case at all in most parts of Tokyo.) Unfortunately that fun bar was closed, so we went to another. This was basically fourthmeal, so we just got some small orders of Japanese bar food, which ended up being some of the best karaage and fries I’ve had in a long time. Finally it was time to go home and sleep before our second day of orientation.
Orientation Day 2
So, as I mentioned earlier, I got a new phone this week. A Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge, which should definitely work exactly the same as my S5. For instance, regardless of if my phone is on silent or vibrate, the alarm should make a lot of noise. Right? Wrong. Instead of my alarm, I woke up to my phone buzzing next to my head. I picked it up, noticed the time was about 10 minutes after orientation started and I was receiving a call, not my alarm. I answered it with my first words being an expletive I can’t use here followed by an apology. I then had to just grab my stuff, call my supervisor, apologize some more, and bike all the way there (as opposed to the usual train). I was more pissed off than anything because I don’t remember the last time I was late to something (at least something important). Google said it would take 50min. to walk there, so I had to bike faster than I’ve ever biked before. I arrived about an hour late, dripping with sweat and I’m assuming a bright red Irish face. I apologized to the lady in charge, who didn’t seem to care, she was just worried I was sick. There were various booths that provided information about the different aspects of living in Mie. I was able to get through all of them. Luckily for me, they schedule orientation to take way longer than necessary, so I finished and joined everyone else who was just sitting around. We watched a few other presentations about teaching. There were two optional workshops about driving in Japan and nomikai, or drinking parties. Drinking parties are work gatherings (usually on Friday nights) where everyone goes to an izakaya and orders a bunch of food and beer. It can get a little expensive since the bill is split evenly regardless of what you get (especially when you don’t really drink). However, it’s a good place to see your teachers relax and open up. I won’t be driving, and I figured the older JETs are well versed in the art of drinking in Japan, so I skipped them. The last presentation (or at least the last I remember) was about expectations vs reality of teaching ESL. The expectation is that the teachers will help you out and you’ll be best friends while teaching and the kids will be eager to learn. The reality is sometimes the teachers don’t even show up and just leave everything to you (I’ve been told I shouldn’t have this problem). Another thing they told us was that there will be crying. I started to argue that I’d at least wait till I got home, but then realized that they meant the students. You’ll accidentally call on a shy kid, or someone will have a bad day, but eventually it’ll happen. We’ll also get kids that act out, and apparently you can’t whip them here anymore, either. Sometimes you just draw all the attention to them and make them feel awkward, and sometimes you just ignore them. We’ll also have to learn to correct them without making them feel bad. About half of you just scoffed at the idea of me helping you without berating you, but you’re adults, get over it. It’s how I work (and sometimes just how I come off unintentionally). I’ve found that the best phrase is, “Good job, you’re really close, but…” and fill them in on what they did wrong, even if they weren’t close (which from a teaching standpoint, is much better than my usual speech about how everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to them). Finally, the speeches wrapped up, and I rode my bike back home to get ready for my first day of work the next day.
Will I wake up in time for school tomorrow? How many different alarms will I set to prevent sleeping in? Will I have stress dreams about going in my underwear? Would I even be stressed if I did? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.