This week marked my first visits to a few of my schools. And by this week, I mean the week of August 24th, not the much later date I got around to posting it (oops (…I did it again (that video has like a 38 second unnecessary intro, which I know because it’s now stuck in my head. WHY IS SHE ON MARS!?!)). Monday and Wednesday I went to the school I had already worked at, so I just skipped them because I did nothing. For each visit, the schools are so far judged by how nice the teachers are to me and how nice the toilets are (there are no students until September (which is totally in the future)).
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Tuesday was my first day at Toyogaoka. I arrived just before 8 and was greeted by about 4-5 other teachers and the vice principle. As usual, I introduced myself to each one and almost immediately forgot most of their names. As soon as I’d sit down, another teacher would walk in and I’d have to stand up again to greet them (it’s considered impolite to remain seated when talking with someone (don’t be a smartass, of course at home doesn’t count)). Then they’d tell me to sit down and we’d start the whole process over again. I never feel bad about not quite hearing their names, because most of the time, I’m asked to repeat mine a few times (even if I use the easier katakana pronunciation (Kaatis [Kah-tis])). My favorite part is then explaining the actual pronunciation, and then hearing a group of them repeatedly attempt to say different pronunciations of my name (Cartis, Coortis). It’s like the name game, but changing the second letter instead of the first. It’ll die down for a few minutes, and then I’ll randomly hear “Cartis?” “Crtis” as they continue to check my name once again. It’s not funny because they can’t pronounce it, I can’t pronounce any Chinese names (which is why they use totally normal English names like Applesauce or Doflamingo (maybe not those, but they come up with some weird names)). It’s funny because of the repetition, like some kind of strange new Pokemon, Cartis.
One of the teachers was a girl about my age (I still call anyone female my age a girl rather than a woman purely out of habit). Instead of “man,” it’s still usually “dude” or “guy” (“boy” is for referring to slaves of course). I forget that I’m actually old enough where people my age have actual jobs. I also forget that I have what is considered an “actual job” (it’s hard when part of said job involves recess). She came over and talked to me for a while in spite of not really speaking English. As we talked, she took out her phone and showed me pictures of things she’d done and stuff around Mie, and I showed her pictures of stuff I did in America (for those of you who haven’t been in school lately, any girl sitting around and showing you pictures on her phone is like being part of some secret club. That’s how they communicate now. That’s why you don’t understand your daughter). She was 23 and taught the second graders, so I won’t be working with her that much. She was also really cute (another on the list of “if only she spoke English”). After about an hour, she had to go work (Japanese teachers will often suddenly stop during a conversation once some alarm goes off in their head reminding they have stuff to do, which makes me sad because I really don’t yet), but she asked me if I wanted to go dance at 9;30. I replied as most people would’ “What?” At 9:30, she took me and some other teachers across the hall to prepare for “undokai,” a kind of exercise day at school where some of the students put on performances and stuff. She played a song that still occasionally gets stuck in my head (sorry, best Youtube they had (real vid)), and I used my amazing Just Dance skills (and just good memory) to copy and learn the new dance (those who have experienced my JD skills will be sad to know there were no sexy hip moves in this song). After a little bit, we took a snack break where I got some delicious cookies. However, before we could continue, another teacher my age (25, though he wasn’t as cute) took me away to discuss actual work stuff. But I wanna dance (with somebody)! We can dance if we want to (we can leave your friends behind… (ok, I’ll stop before it gets out of hand)). We talked about how the classes generally work (which is technically up to me), then we started taklking about where we were from and video games (another on the list of “if only he spoke English…and was also a girl”). Once he, too, was called to work, I sat at my desk reading Japanese stuff until I got bored, then just pretended to read it while daydreaming and trying to keep that song out of my head. Occasionally teachers would pass out omiyage (souvenir snacks), so I got even more cookies! After eating enough snacks, it was time to inspect the bathrooms. This is where Toyogaoka lost some major points; the dreaded squat toilet. Now here’s the thing about squatters as I’ve called them since now because it’s easier to type. I don’t understand how a country who’s made some of the greatest advancements in pooping comfort since the guy who decided toilets should be indoors can simultaneously use a flushing hole in the ground. “But Curtis,” you say, “it’s actually more natural to poop squatting.” Fine, then put stirrups or a foot rest on the toilet so I can hike my feet up. Don’t force me to play some sick game where I have to simultaneously aim, balance, and race my calf muscle fatigue. Pooping should be a time of peace and relaxation, where one can sit and reflect upon the day’s Facebook posts. I shouldn’t have to dedicate a day at the gym just to be able to use the bathroom. Ok, I got that out of my system (get it?), let’s move on. UPDATE: They installed a western toilet, so they get all their points back. Finally at around 3:30, I headed out. As I was leaving, the cute teacher gave me another snack, so we’re basically dating according to kindergarten rules.
Thursday I prepared for Saturday. We’ll get to that when chronology allows.
Friday was my first day at Geino Elementary school. For those with really short attention spans, yes, that’s the same name as the middle school. The good thing about doing this a few times is that by now, regardless of how they word a question, I already know what they’re going to ask before they do. “Can you say your name again? Kartis? Where are you from? Where’s Michigan (they understand when I mention the great lakes)? How long have you been in Japan? Is this your first time?” Then they tell me how jozu I speak and I explain that doesn’t mean I can also understand everything they say. Then a new group comes in, rinse, repeat (does anyone actually put shampoo/conditioner on twice like that? I’m lucky if I use it twice a week, let alone twice in one sitting). The 6th grade teacher (not one of, the teacher of one class of forty 6th graders) showed me around the school and did her best to explain things in English. By now I can also recognize the kanji for the rooms I’ve looked up before (nurse, music room, etc.). I met a few teachers who I’ll be working with (one of whom has a kid at my Tuesday school). One teacher encouraged the others to use English, to varying degrees of success, usually not much past “My name is… (Slim Shady).” This time, however, I actually had a computer with a “recent” version of Internet Explorer, so I could work on stuff for once(most schools are on 8, when the current is 11. Google Drive laughs at me when I try to use them, but I don’t have admin privileges to change it (in case you were wondering)). To make my presentation interactive and therefore (hopefully) more interesting, I’m making a multiple choice quiz that I can have the kids answer by holding 1, 2, 3, or 4 fingers up. Since I lived in Detroit (according to anyone past Lansing), I had to word “what is Detroit famous for” in a way that the answer couldn’t be guns. As far as the toilets go, Geino passed with flying colors. Not only did I have 4G, and an actual seat, but it had the deluxe set of buttons including 3 separate flush strengths and a bacon button!
On Saturday, we did Let’s Learn English, which consisted of two 1.5hr. classes that elementary school kids(‘ parents) could sign (them) up for. The first class had about 16 kids, and the second had about 7. It’s good practice to work with kids and to see how others teach. We started by doing introduction janken (rock paper scissors), where they’d go around and say my “Hi, my name is Gojira, rock paper scissors!” Then whoever had the most wins at the end won. After that we taught them vocabulary by having them read it at different speeds to solidify it in their heads. Then we pinned them all on to a white board, and had everyone close their eyes while one of the ALTs “stole” some words from the board. Then it was up to them to figure out what was stolen. This was especially funny to us when the words taken were “nothing,” “daddy,” or “mummy” (the book we used was British, so we had to keep it that way, despite the Americans’ objections). Then two of the ALTs read the book The Tiger Who Came to Tea. It was like the Cat in the Hat, but the tiger just eats everything and leaves, but doesn’t help clean up at all. After that, we took a short break, then came back for some more games. I instructed the first game where they got together in separate small groups, with a pile of laminated flash cards in from of them (normal paper sized). I would call out a word, then they would find it and put that card on top of a plastic cup, and put another plastic cup on top of that. There was usually a little kid in the group that would accidentally knock it over, but in the second class, one of the kids was able to make a tower of nine or ten (as opposed to the usual 6 or so). In the second class, one of the kids actually goes to my Tuesday school, so he’ll get special treatment (i.e. I’ll remember his name). Finally, they got in different circles and one person started with “I went to the store and bought [vocab],” then the next person would repeat everything the previous person said and add one more thing. We were supposed to start over if someone screwed up, but everyone was whispering hints anyway, so we didn’t care. Then we handed out magic certificates with a tiger and their names on them. Between the two classes, we went to lunch, then came back and got ready for the next class. A few kids came early, so we had to entertain them. For some reason, my supervisor started doing sumo with a kid, then I did sumo with the kid. Then I did sumo with my supervisor. After pretending to struggle back and forth, I took him down. I expect to be fired any day now.
Will I be fired? When will I go to my Thursday school? Will I ever post a chronicle in a timely manner? Isn’t this…? Didn’t the old lady drop it into the ocean in the end? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.
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