Hello. How are you? Have you been alright on all those lonely, lonely nights? That’s what I’d say, I’d tell you everything if you picked up that telephone. But who needs a telephone when I can tell you everything right here? No physical interactions required! That’s right, I’m back by popular demand (and boredom), and I thought what better way to start again than with a relatively obscure ELO song? (For my younger readers, it’s the song from Billy Madison when he calls Steve Buscemi.) As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, I’ll be moving to Japan soon to start teaching English through the JET Program. I figured I’ll start with what I’ve done so far, then once I get there I’ll “regularly” update my blog with what’s going on. Now you’ll all finally have something to do at work (other than, you know, actually do your job for once). For those who have recently added me on Facebook, either you already know I’m a smartass or you think I’m a terrible person. Either way is fine. As a reminder to everyone, if you see a word you don’t know (usually Japanese), hover over it and there’s a good chance I’ve added a tooltip for it that will help. If you’re on your phone, figure it out yourself. Use contextual clues. You’ll get it. I’ll even sometimes add them for my vaguer references. I will also warn my readers that there’s a bit of reading involved in this. I know you’re used to everything being numbered with pretty pictures like Buzzfeed, so reading more than three sentences at a time will be weird, but you’ll get through it. I believe that’s everything, so let’s start the show!
Doing the JET Program has been a dream of mine ever since I was a baby. Many people in my family know that “JET” was actually my very first word (granted, it was also our dog’s name, but that doesn’t make it less true). But much like in Baby Geniuses, this dream was forgotten once I reached a certain age. Then, at the age of 23, I thought, “Well, I either get a boring job at one of these car companies, or I can go to Japan and find a cute Japanese girlfriend.” Sorry GM. Back in November, the application process started. I had to get two letters of recommendation, write some essay, submit my résumé and diploma, all in a relatively short period of time. Once I submitted that, I had to wait (this will become a theme) until early January to find out whether or not I passed the first round. I figured I speak a decent amount of Japanese, and already teach ESL to Japanese kids, so I was set for at least that one (not that I wasn’t still nervous). Then in January I got an email saying I moved on to the next round and would be interviewed in February. So I waited till February and went to the Japanese embassy at the Renaissance Center for the interview. Previously I had only been to the Ren Cen for Youmacon (anime convention around Halloween), so out of habit I went dressed up as Link. They had all these weird rules about not telling other people what questions you were asked or talking to other applicants about it at all. Luckily the Internet is full of people who didn’t get in and therefore didn’t need to follow those rules, so I looked up what kind of questions I might be asked. Many of them are the basic “Why do you want to do JET? What will you bring to this job? What have you done with my family?” Basic questions. Then I came across ones like “How do you explain the bombing of Hiroshima to a 7yo?” I believe the best answer to that are shout, “Look over there!” and run. I call that a Grinch question, because I wouldn’t touch it with a 39 1/2 foot pole. Another one I saw is “What is your best case scenario?” That’s an easy one: I move to the city and start teaching and making friends there. A few weeks into it, I learn that the city is the former home of an idol (female Japanese singer) who has decided to retire and move back in with her family. I happen to meet her at her parent’s shop where she works, not knowing she’s the idol because I’m American. We start talking a little bit because she’s one of the few English speakers around. She likes that I treat her as a normal person, and not like a pop-star. Eventually I learn who she really is, but I don’t care because why would I? We fall in love and live happily ever after (also we’ll be super rich). They said “best” case scenario. Sometimes I think people use that too loosely. I rarely hear someone’s worst case scenario ending with “and everyone I know and love dies.” That’s a REAL worst case scenario.
Anyway, in my actual interview, none of those came up. I was interviewed by three white people (I expected someone to be Asian). It was mostly them making sure that once I got there, I wouldn’t try to go back home and would stick with it. It started off nice, then it felt more like an interrogation (especially by the cranky lady). “If you majored in Comp. Science, why are you doing this job?” etc. Then they asked how I’d meet people, and I said I could just to with people to a karaoke bar or something. The nice lady then asked me what songs I liked singing. I was so thrown off by it that I forgot all the songs I know. I said I did some English and some Japanese, and last time my friend and I did some Backstreet Boys song. Then she asked my favorite BB song. Again I went blank for a minute, but then we agreed Backstreet’s Back is the best. Then we talked about how I have a 90’s soul (her words, not mine). It ended with them asking me some questions in Japanese for “bonus points.” The first three were easy, but the fourth was a really long questions, asking about a word I didn’t know, so I just said “I don’t know.”
After that, I got to wait AGAIN to find out if I was accepted. Around the end of March, I got the acceptance letter. I was obviously happy (sorry to get so emotional on you, sometimes I can’t help it). However I had to wait more to find out where I’d be (this was the most important part since I wanted to be near everyone I knew). Eventually I got the name of the city and prefecture, but had to wait MORE to find out what grades, where I’d live, pretty much anything substantial. Finally at the end of June (just over a month before moving), I got a big booklet from my predecessor (the person who I’m taking over for) about the schools, the apartment I’d live at, etc. She gave me times for the morning trains, which is when I remembered that I’ll have a real job again that requires me to wake up at a single digit hour. One train was at like 6:50. Something in my brain dies a little bit when I see an a.m. time beginning with 6, even if it’s just before 7, it’s somehow worse. She also said that many of the previous predecessors to these schools (including her) were predominately Asian girls from California. Now, many of you don’t know this about me (it’s hard to tell just by looking at me), but I am not an Asian girl from California. Therefore, she suggested the students might be particularly excited to meet me.
So, there you have it. That’s roughly what I’ve been doing this past year. For our (I like using the plural because it makes it sound like I have a team, when really I just include my voices) return readers, I hope you enjoy your return to the chaotic labyrinth that is my brain. For our new readers, ummmm… yeah… try not to judge me too harshly yet. Also, you’ll get used to the parentheses (I think. I’ve never really asked anyone about them, it’s just the best representation of my thought process).
Also, look out for The Lost Chronicles, a series of previously unreleased posts! Coming soon…
In one month, I’m going to be Houkage king of the pirates an ALT in Tsu, Mie (we’ll work on that pronunciation later)!