If you didn’t get the title reference, go and listen to Space Jam right now (or even better, any mashup. Actually, while you’re at it, listen to that whole soundtrack because it’ll get you pumped for anything (however I can’t recommend watching the movie. Keep it preserved in your mind for what it was). I am now in a country of people that not only don’t know what Space Jam is, but don’t even know who ANY of the characters are. But I digress (when don’t I?)…
After a busy week of cleaning and moving out of my apartment (largely with help from my wonderful mother), attempting to fit all my things in suitcases while staying under the weight limit (I gave up on one), and listening to how important every phone/tv/internet company said I was (now that I was leaving), I woke early (for me) Saturday morning and was driven to the airport where I joined the 50-something other JETs in preparing for our new jobs. I ate my final American meal at McDonald’s (the night before was Buddy’s, which was my final decent meal), then took a 13 hour flight to Japan. Now most of you know that I can’t sleep on airplanes. Even if I could, the plane took off around noon, and landed the equivalent of 1am. That’s all before my bedtime. However, the plane is kept dark most of the time, so I’d still get really tired (at one point I started seeing something on the wing of the plane. It was either Bigfoot or William Shatner, I was too tired to tell). On top of that, once I landed it was only 2pm, which meant that the day was just beginning. After going through customs (JETs basically got a free pass, which made it way easier to get all that heroin though), we followed a trail of lime-green-shirted JET people to get to the buses. It was like a treasure hunt, but instead of riddles, there were cute Japanese girls (and a few dudes) pointing to the next one. As soon as I walked outside, my clothes instantly became damp from the humidity. Our reward for finding the end was a 2 hour bus ride to the hotel (worst treasure ever). Once we were there, we got our information packets and were set free to do whatever. I went and showered, met my temporary roommate, then went with a few other people to walk around Shinjuku where we found an awesome ramen place. At around 8, the jetlag started setting in, but my brain kept trying to resist the idea of going to bed at 8 because I’m neither a child nor a grandparent. An hour later, I finally gave in and passed out.
Tokyo Orientation: Day 1: I Like Apples
The next morning, Orientation started at 9. Normally this would mean that I’d try and wake up by 8. Instead I woke up at 4:30, then 5ish, then like 3 other times before finally getting up at about 7:30. I guess you could say I was… JET-lagged (I’m sorry, I’m better than that). Orientation was basically a series of speeches about what to do/not do, what to expect, and who owns employs us. I sat with some Detroit JETS, but the girl next to me was from New Zealand. I slowly fell in love with her, due mostly to her accent (I love Australian/NZ accents as much as I hate Southern ones). I’m sure we’ll be very happy together if I can ever remember her name. We had a break for lunch where we all gathered around these tables where there was a big lazy Susan on the table (the spinny thing, not some fat white girl) with seaweed soup and penne. I just had some penne (most of you thought “that sounds good,” but at least five of my family members fell out of their chairs (yes, I’m that picky)). I’m not sure what idiot decided on the penne, though. “Hey, you know how everyone’s wearing really nice outfits? Let’s serve them marinara and watch them struggle to not spill any.” At the table were two British chicks and the rest were American. I laughed at how much more refined they were while we all ate (I copied their napkins-as-bibs techniques because I did’t trust myself). Then we broke off into groups depending on what type of school we’d be teaching at. I went to the elementary school one. As you would expect, we just played games the whole time, learning how they were used to teach. One involved drawing a fruit, then going around the room asking people what fruit they liked, and trying to find others who liked the same fruit (I picked strawberry since it was easy to draw, and I was afraid my usual answer of “Nathan Lane” might be viewed as offensive). We got out around 5, at which point I returned to my room and struggled with the eternal “to nap or not to nap” question. Some people planned on doing karaoke, but jetlag was taking me, and the more tired I get, the less social I get. I’d rather do karaoke with actual friends as opposed to “this weekend only then never see each other again friends (I know, I’m a ray of sunshine).” Instead, I just ran to 7-Eleven and bought my beloved chuka soba and a giant thing of water to help my dehydration, then went to bed.
Tokyo Orientation: Day 2: U.S. vs Them
I got up early so I’d have time to go eat breakfast, then decided I was too lazy and just ate some Froot Loops I had. My schedule today was entirely focused on elementary education, and thus consisted of story time, singing, and crafts. It was just like summer camp! First we heard from three ALTs about their experiences teaching kids and working at the schools. It was two American girls and a big Jamaican dude. It was fun just to hear him say anything. I wanted him to start singing “Under the Sea” or the Slowpoke song, but no such luck. In the next class, we had to learn English based on a scenario the teachers presented being at a toy store. However, we knew English, which was cheating, so instead we learned Welsh. Long story short, I can now buy a teddy bear in Wales. I actually was in a group with my new love and some other New Zealanders (I didn’t plan it, she wasn’t hot enough to purposely stalk, but overall JETs aren’t winning any beauty contests, so everyone gets a boost. Also that accent makes everyone prettier (even dudes). If I was going to stalk her, it would have been easier to first befriend the other kiwis until they accepted me as part of their group, then go for the kill. I had a lot of free time to think, which usually isn’t good). For the next class, some other dude sat next to me, which at first annoyed me because he wasn’t the one I loved, but I actually ended up getting along with him more. Anyway, in most situations, we were told to act like 10 year olds (about 2-3 years younger than I usually act). For the reading, we gathered up in the front of the room on the floor, Indian style (which is probably offensive now). The teacher pulled out “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” and everyone cheered. Not because we were acting like 10yo’s, but because who the heck doesn’t like that book? The point was to read and do motions for everything so that the kids understood even if they didn’t know the words. Then we got back in our groups and did the same thing with each other (we did part of “Jack and the Beanstalk.” How the heck do you motion “Jack’s mom told Jack to take the cow to the market to sell?” We just pointed a lot and tried to motion dragging a cow, then exchanging invisible money. For the fourth class, we worked on phonics (which you might remember as being a popular drug in the 90’s often sold on infomercials). For each letter, we had to teach an “anchor sound” that went with it (the most common sound it makes). However, this is where we ran into disagreements. We started with the ‘a’ in apple. The Brits and kiwis said “ahpple,” the Americans said “apple,” and I tried my best not to accidentally use a nasally Michigan ‘a’. The Europeans (and maybe some Bostonians) said “cah,” Americans said “carrr.” Europeans said “they took ou’ jobes,” Americans said “they terk er jerbs!” Since I was paired with a kiwi, we kept comparing the differences, which was really interesting. They were actually told to let their teachers know the differences between their accents and the ones the teacher was used to (most likely American). For the final class, we did arts and crafts! The teacher showed us three pictures describing an animal (usually color, country of origin, defining characteristic). For example, yellow, from Kanto, red cheeks is obviously a Pikachu (that may or may not have been an actual example, but considering we’re like 10 minutes from where the annual thousand Pikachu parade is, it might as well have been. We were then tasked with doing this ourselves on a big piece of paper. We chose a penguin because it was the only thing anyone could draw, and we only had black pens, so it was easier. It was unquestionably one of the worst looking projects I’ve ever done. A two year old could have done better. After the final class, we met with our prefecture group and learned how we were getting to our new homes. That night, the American consulate put on some kind of presentation, but there was no food and therefore I doubt any Americans actually went (it’s like they don’t even know their own country). Instead, some of us went to McDonalds, which I think counts as American soil (in my defense, I didn’t want to go, but other people were, so I went along). I had to help some people order and read the menu (they had extra stuff like Fillet o’ fish and a shrimp fillet), then we quick ate and took a walk around Shinjuku. We were warned to be careful of people trying to bring us into restaurants, get us drunk, then take our money, so we stayed in the nearby area. After exploring, a friend of mine showed me a cool restaurant/stand on a corner where you stood at these barrels with wooden tables on the top, ordered chicken, then ate standing up outside (it was a little humid, but otherwise perfect weather for it, and we got to people watch). They had pretty much every part of the chicken (including but not limited to the liver, tongue, and uterus (that’s not a joke)). I went with the “don’t tell me what I’m eating and I should be ok” rule, and tried a few different pieces (only one of which almost got me sick). I returned to the hotel, took a shower, and packed so I’d be ready for the next morning when I’d finally move to Mie.
(Hey everyone, it’s me, Curtis. Thanks for reading and all that. Now that I’ve finally moved to Japan, I’ll try and keep everyone updated as much as possible. For the first few weeks, it’ll be more frequent (as long as I have time) since I’ll be doing more interesting stuff. Once I get into a set schedule, I’ll mostly focus on when I do something interesting. I’ll also continue to post Lost Chronicles when I have free time, and mark them appropriately so I don’t confuse people with where I am. I’ll also probably start to change things up a little like adding more pictures when I have the time or changing some shtick. Until then, I’ll stick with the old stuff. With that being said…)
What’s my new apartment like? How long will it take to remember my new phone number? Will I survive rush hour at Shinjuku station, the busiest station in the world? Do you like strawberries? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.
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