Wk 4 – Osaka: 7-Eleven food is delicious!

Fun fact: Contrary to popular belief, I like to oot (oot oot) ooples, but not banoonoos.

This week I’d like to apologize to my Aunt Debbie for what I just bought my little cousins. To keep it a secret, I won’t say, but can assure her that it’s not a sword, nor is it something that they can hurt each other with (though they usually find a way to anyway).
I’m sure many of you are curious as to the title. The truth is, 7-Eleven food is delicious (except the fries). There are many chains that make it over here, and there’s often a huge disparity between quality and how the food is viewed. McDonald’s and Starbucks are basically the same, but some restaurants like KFC, Big Boy, and places like 7-Eleven are a bit different. Apparently here Big Boy is terrible. KFC can be considered a “nice” meal (in fact, many people eat it on Christmas and it’s not trashy at all). They prepare it better and therefore it doesn’t have the same stigma attached. In America, eating food from a gas station/ convenience store can be tantamount to stabbing yourself in the stomach. However, here, it’s much better. I constantly get the cup soba there (because all I have to do is boil water to prepare it) and it’s one of my favorite things to eat here. It’s not always filling, but I even drink the soup part after eating it (if you just thought “so what”, you don’t know me at all). They also have precooked meals that they’ll heat up there and are actually good (so I’m told, there’s usually mayo or something weird on them (I’m still not that adventurous)). I have yet to try Dominos here, but they put so much weird stuff (squid, mayo, etc.) that I’ll only be able to get cheese (no pepperoni here). The problem with liking all this food (soba, chicken, udon, I’ve even added ramen to things I can eat (since I’m a college student, that shouldn’t be a surprise, but I’m me)) is that when I go home, there’s rarely any “authentic” Japanese food around, so none of it will be as good… We’ll see how much carries over after I return…
Also, if you sometimes think my writing is hard to follow because of all the parentheses, get used to it. You only deal with it when you read this blog, I deal with it all the time (hence my “randomness”). Just imagine how bad it’d be if I did cocaine. It’d be like when the remote gets stuck under a cushion and the channel keeps changing and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Another weird thing I’ve noticed lately is the almost total lack of wild animals. Other than birds and giant bugs, I rarely see animals just walking around. Cats are the only exception. Today when I was riding home (by myself) from dinner with a friend, the streets barely lit by the surrounding buildings, I see this thing in the middle of the road. As I passed it, I realized it was just a cat looking at me. It was super creepy. But there are no squirrels, raccoon, deer, opossums, etc. Granted, I mostly see those dead on the side of the road, but still. Here, nothing but cats.
Anyway, let’s get to the fun part…

Friday
Instead of class, we divided into groups and visited various elementary schools. Another girl and I visited a group of second graders close by. After meeting in the lobby, a taxi took us to the school. When we first got there, nobody was around, so we walked around until someone realized ‘those are the white people who are coming’. We were led to the principle’s office where we talked until the kids were ready for us. Nobody at the school seemed to speak any English, but luckily my Japanese has gotten good enough where I could understand most of what he said (he was able to use about 8 English words to clarify occasionally) and could formulate a coherent response (<- I sometimes forget that I actually talk like that since I get so used to speaking really basic English to people around here). After about 15 minutes, a little boy and girl came in (followed by their teacher) and introduced themselves, asking us to please follow them (in Japanese, they don't learn any English till about 5th grade). We followed them to the gym where we were greeted by 79 Japanese second graders. I heard many shouts and whispers of "futari gaijin [two foreigners]" and "America-jin? [Are you American?]". The teachers didn't speak English either, so they explained to everyone what we were going to do, and it was up to us to figure it out from there. First they told us that we were gonna do BINGO, which at first I thought meant the game. I quickly realized that we were instead singing the song, which is easy enough (we just sang in English). 5 kids held up the letters with the pronunciation of the letter above it (I'm not sure when they learn English letters), but they were in backwards order (so his dog's name was actually OGNIB, not quite as nice of a ring to it). I'm not really sure if it was the kids' or the teachers' fault, though... After, we had a janken (rock paper scissors) 'tournament'. Half of the kids lined up in three triangles (one kid on top of each, then two, then three, etc.) and the other half gathered to face them and get to the top (except one kid who was just rolling around on the floor (I was later told he was from Bolivia (not as an explanation as to why he was rolling around, but I think that's the reason))). You had to beat a kid in the front row to move on to the second, then third, then face one of the three people in the back row to win. However, if you ever lost, you had to go back to the front row (Elite Four style). I got to the back row once, but then lost. The problem is some of them are big fat cheater cheater pumpkin eaters. They couldn't decide on one, so they waited until after I went, then chose what would beat it (Gary). Unfortunately, you can't accuse foreign second graders of cheating, so I left it alone. I tried facing all the kids, but the ones who didn't face me came up to me afterwards shouting "さいしょはグー、じゃんけんぽん！[Get ready, rock paper scissors!]". At one point, I was facing three or four at a time. Then they switched who was in the triangles and who was facing them. When we were finished and the kids had had enough janken and touching our hands or shoes (touch the white people I guess), we went back to the principle's office for more "try to translate this". At third hour, the kids came back and led us to the classrooms. There were three different classes, so we each went to one, then rotated after a certain amount of time. The teacher showed us how to make origami tulips, so we all made a bunch, then the kids glued them to a big piece of paper that had a big leaf cut out on in and they drew some pictures on it. In the first class, the girl next to me kept fanning herself with her folder and whispering "kakkoii", which is often translated as [cool], but also usually has a connotation of "attractive". If only Japanese girls my age felt the same way... When it was time to go, they all lined up and we shook their hands one by one. A few of the boys tried to shake my hand up and down as hard as they could like they were trying to rip it off. I had to stop myself from squeezing back because I would destroy their hands. After shaking some of the girls' hands, I saw them giggle and whisper things to each other. As we walked by, the kids kept piling on the art projects they made, so I had to hold them with one hand and use the other to shake (until there was a kid with a cast, then I had to switch it all). We were walked back to the exit where our taxi was waiting. When we got back, our teachers were waiting for us and we told them how fun it was (but nothing too specific since we had to do it in Japanese). Then it was time to head for Osaka. Every week I think that I have the train system down and am fully adjusted to it. Every week they throw something new at me as if to say, "Nope." To get to Osaka, I had to take a train to Kyoto, then switch to another that would take me to Osaka. Easy enough. I got on the train in Kyoto and noticed that the seats looked like the nice airplane seats (not business class bed things, just the big international ones). This seemed really weird, so I looked around and saw that it was the "reserved" section. I got off and headed further back. The seats looked less nice, but still a lot different from what I was used to. A lady came by and asked for my ticket (which I didn't have since I use a special card). She then told me (in Japanese) that it was a special train so I had to buy a separate ticket. Luckily it was only about $6.50 because I still had to pay for it with my card... After checking into the hotel, I told Maki I hadn't eaten yet, so I was going to McDonald's (it's the fastest option). On the way there, however, we passed another famous burger chain called Mos Burger and since I'm always looking for opportunities to try new foods (as long as they're hamburgers or pizza (that's not fair, I'm getting better)), I ate there instead. The best description I can come up with was a combination of Wendy's and Culver's (though not near as good as the latter). After my hamburger demon was sated, we tried to visit Tennoji (a shrine), but it was only open for another 20 minutes, so we were politely kicked out and decided to just go the next day. Instead, we went to Osaka Tower. It's like Kyoto Tower, but in Osaka (you're welcome). On the way there we passed a restaurant where the waiters all (I saw two, then extrapolated based on the sign outside) were dressed in red kimonos and makeup that can only be described as like David Bowie in Labyrinth (I’m sorry you had to see that). Apparently for the 100th anniversary of the area around the tower, they were doing a “Kinnikuman project”, which means there were a bunch of statues and a mini museum of stuff from the cartoon Ulitmate Muscle (don’t worry, it is kind of obscure even for kids my age). When the elevator started going up, the lights went dark and the ceiling was made to look like the night sky, but with a colorful outline of one of the ugliest troll-like things (Billiken) I’ve ever seen. At the top, there were various Billiken statues (not sure what they represented) and the main one whose feet you rubbed.

Saturday
We got up and headed to Tennoji (again). On the way there, we pass the zoo where there’s a giant painting of a bunch of animals in wherever in Africa you go on safari. Naturally I started singing, “Naaaaaannnnnnntsss ingoyama bagithi baba!” (Yes, I’ve memorized even that part (though admittedly not the spelling)). Because I know the you so well and can already guess the question you’re going to ask, no, I do not yet know that song in Japanese (admit it, I read your mind (if I didn’t, then you don’t know me well enough)). I used to know most of “Be Prepared”, but have forgotten most of it. Same goes for Aladdin. Anyway, we got to the temple and looked around. Again the weekends seem to be the hottest days. It was at least 27°! Luckily when we got there, there were special pipe things blowing cold mist on us that felt so good. To answer your other question, that’s a little over 81F. I just wanted to screw with you a little, knowing that some might try to look it up, and others would be unsure of whether to keep reading for now or to figure out how hot that actually was. Sorry (not really (I don’t think I was supposed to type that part…)). ANYway, there was a large tower and a bunch of smaller buildings with bells that you could ring after making a wish/praying. We saw some monks there (the religious ones, not Tony Shalhoub (I’ll give you a minute to Google that)) wearing pretty sweet outfits. I wanted one, but apparently I would first have to become a monk. In one of the areas, there was a big statue of a Buddha or someone (sacred, ergo no pics) and a monk was doing one of his chants. He sounded like a human didgeridoo (is that offensive?). We stayed and watched until the incense became too strong for me to handle (I HATE incense). In another building, there was a larger bell (the others looked like large sleigh bells, this was the church kind) that rang occasionally. An old lady inside told (showed) me to put my hands together in a praying motion, clap twice, ring the bell, wait four seconds, ring the bell again, put my left hand in, put my left hand out, put my left hand in again and shake it all about. Maki later explained that the bell was like a phone to one of the gods. I don’t know why the Christian God doesn’t have a phone. He doesn’t even a beeper or Facebook. Maki was happy because this lady was one of the first that day to speak Japanese to her without hesitating. She keeps getting angry that because people see her with me, they assume she’s also American. I explained that that’s a reasonable assumption, but she still doesn’t like it. We tried going into another area, but there was a memorial or something going on, so they didn’t let us in (I honestly think we could have if I was Japanese, they didn’t seem to be checking anything other than that). There was a small raised area with a gate around it filled with rocks. Some of the rocks had kanji written on it (力、大、五）which are the symbols for power, greatness, and… 5. Not sure why one was 5, but if you could find one of each stone, you took them with you and they brought you good luck (conveniently they sold little pouches to hold them (which of course I bought because I like wasting money)). In a separate area, there were three rocks on pedestals (which I immediately likened to picking a starter Pokémon). It’s said that if you picked up a rock then made a wish, if the rock was lighter, your wish would be easy to accomplish. If it seemed heavier, the wish would be more difficult to achieve. On the way back to the main area, there was a giant pond with two wooden islands that was full of turtles.
After a much needed nap, we went to the mall to find desert, but most places were already closing (it was kinda late (10ish) and Japanese places close early. Eventually we found a little kinda Italian place (not kinda Italian like Olive Garden, kinda like they weren’t really trying to look like it). I got some garlic bread (I was a little hungry) and focaccia bread covered in cinnamon and sugar with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. It was amazing. The restaurant even had a large painting of two angel babies that I recognized (and confirmed with Jackie) as being identical to the one in my grandma’s bathroom (which explained why I really had to go all night).

Sunday
We went to Osaka castle. For lunch we just stopped at food stands on the way there. I got chicken, Maki got takoyaki (WARNING: takos are very different from tacos. Tako means octopus). Therefore takoyaki is octopus balls (balls made of octopus, not what you were thinking you weirdo). Osaka Castle is the biggest (Japanese) castle I’ve seen so far, and looks even bigger because of the giant wall underneath it. There was a performer there who was juggling knives while eating apples. Inside the castle was a big museum (as with most other castles). As I was taking pictures of the castle, I realized my camera battery was dying (and my other one was dead). Luckily I found an open outlet on the second floor, so I did what I do best. I sat in front of it pretending to rest while playing my 3DS while waiting for it to charge. About 10 minutes later, I was ready to continue. On the same floor, they had samurai helmets and clothes that you could try on for $3. After pretending to be Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai, we headed upstairs. On the third and fourth floor, no pictures were allowed because that’s usually where the interesting stuff is. Most of it was about Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s life (one of the main warlords again). One of the things stated that to improve morale, he dressed up and pretended to be a melon vendor all day and fully committed to the role. Apparently Nobunaga and another famous guy did similar things when they were leaders. On the fifth floor, they had hologram stories where actors were projected into these small diorama windows. There was an English sign next to each one, so I had a basic idea of what they were saying. At the top was a caged balcony around the castle where you could see some of the city. On the way out we stopped at the gift shop. In it was a special booth where you could win prizes by hitting targets with shurikens (throwing stars). I hit it a few times, but it took time to adjust to it. One day I’ll become a shuriken master… Finally we visited the Umeda Sky building. Near it was a big fountain-like area. Maki asked what it was, to which I joking replied, “A swimming pool!” However, as we got closer, we realized that a bunch of kids actually were swimming in it (it was like 4 inches deep). The Sky Building had what they referred to as the “floating garden”. Therefore I expected either a garden or something floating. However, I was misled. It was still an awesome view of Osaka and at the top you could go on this big donut roof thing and walk around to see everything. Apparently it’s a popular place for couples to get married at and there’s a big banquet hall there.

Again, thank you to everybody who wastes their time reading this. We here at TGC know that you have many options when wasting time and appreciate you choosing us. If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know.

Next week (7/7) is Tanabata, which is a big festival celebrating the annual coming together of the man and woman star (Altair and Vega), so hopefully there’ll be something where I go (though different cities celebrate it at different times). What will I do for Fourth of July? What about the 7th? Why did I use the number 7 instead of the word? What was that noise? Was it a ghost? Will I be able to keep thinking of questions like this every week? Find out next time on The Gaijin Chronicles! Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.